Pondo ng Panday

Ramon Bong Revillaninakaw sa gobyerno, hindi sa bayan. Ang “gobierno” ba, salitang Pilipino? Hindi! Kaya parang nagnakaw na rin si Bong Revilla sa mga Kastilang mang-aapi, sa mga banyaga! Kabitenyo pa man din si Bong Revilla, Tagalog na talagang matapang at mabagsik! Ipinanindigan niya ang ginawa niya kaya huwag kayong mag-isip nang paninirang-puri! Lalo na kayo diyan, mga dilawan, mga Inglesero, mga baklang Atenista at Makati boys! Akala ba ninyo masosolo ninyo ang pera sa Pilipinas? Subukan niyo siyang kalabanin!

Kayong dada ng dada diyan, puro kayo morals-morals, puro human rights at dimokrasi! Iyan pati sa mga akala ninyong kakampi ninyo talo din kayo, tunay na Pilipino panalo! Batas at katarungan magkatugma na muli! E ano kung tax money ninyo iyan, dilawan? Iyang pera ninyo, ninakaw ninyo sa bayan mula pa noong panahon ng mga Kastila! Kaming mga tunay na Pilipino, hirap na hirap, panahon na para makabawi kami sa inyo! Kita ninyo ang taongbayan na tuwang-tuwa sa pagpapalaya ng Pangalawang Panday?

Iyang si Maria Ressa, hindi dapat bumalik iyan galing sa States. American na iyan. Hindi maganda para sa bayan ang kanyang ginagawang pamimintas sa mga pinuno! Buti nga kung mapaparusahan siya. Parang binawi na rin natin ang kinamkam ng Kano! Si Trillanes naman, ahente talaga ng mga Kano iyan. Contact nila Colonel Saunders. Ano, sino raw siya? Hepe ng Kentucky Fried Chicken? Mali kayo. Jolibee ang kalaban. Tandaan ninyo ang sinabi ni Prinsipe Polong. Ang bee mismo, umamin na sa PNP:

E ano kung si Kris Aquino nasa taas ng listahan ng mga nagbabayad ng buwis? E ano? Good citizen, good manners and right conduct, pati na decorum, de quorum. Tangina! Magbayad ng kahit isang dantaon pa ang mga burgis, mga hasyendero, mga ilustrado! Sila ang tunay na magnanakaw, hindi tayong mga tunay na Pilipino! Bumabawi lang.. anong silbi kung magbayad si Manny Pacquiao ng buwis, imbes na magtayo ng bahay para sa mahihirap? Mga Westerner talaga, hindi alam kung sino ang tunay na bayani!

E iyon namang mga itinatawag na “People’s Champions” nitong si Inhenyerong Salsal? Hindi sila para sa bayan. Iyang rule of law na iyan, para sa gobyerno lang iyan. Diokno? Paano ang tunay na Pilipino kung wala nang joke? Tañada? Walang ñ sa wika natin!  Bam Aquino? Paano naging para sa bayan iyang bachoy na Atenistang iyan? Please!  Basta ako, meron ang akong moral character. Iyong certificate of good moral character. Hindi nalaman ang kabalastugan ko. Kaya doon ako kay Panday Dos. Hindi ipokrito!

Leila De Lima warrant arrestAnong mapapala diyan sa mga ipokritong padasal-dasal? Tunay na lalake, lumalaban! Kaya doon tayo kay Bong Revilla, Panday Dos, at huwag sa mga duwag na dilawan! Darating din ang araw na ikukulong natin silang lahat, iiyak sila sa loob. Buti nga ano. Madanas nila iyong nadanas ng mga tunay na tao, ng mga pinuno at mga artista natin. Tignan ninyo si Leila, angal ng angal, wala na iyang martir-martir, tapos na ang panahon ng mga prayle! Di ba sabi ni Tatay Digong inutil ang mga obispo, at tanga ang mga nagsulat ng Baybol?

Tunay na warrior, hindi nagpapahuli, hindi nagpapatalo. Kaya dakpin natin si Trillanes. Ipakita natin sa dilawan na talunan ang morals-morals nila. Walang liligtas na Diyos. Walang liligtas na Kastila o Kano dahil Tsina na tayo. Sige, kain na, huwag Jolibee ha?

(Satire) by Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 8 December 2018

Malaya na Tayo! Salamat, Pang. Duterte!

President Rodrigo Duterte addressing Filipino community in Bruneiwala nang ibang kailangan ang Pilipino sa ngayon, kapag natupad na sa wakas ang tunay na kalayaan. Ako, bilang itinakdang sugo ni Apo Bathala, ang nagsasabi nito.  May tanong kayo, mga kapatid? Kung ano kamo ang Pang.? Panginoon at Pangulo! Sinong tumatawa diyan sa likod? Ano ang sinabi ng mga malikot na kabataan diyan? Pangit daw! Hawak pa kayo ng maling pananaw at kaisipan ng nakaraang panahon. Ano, hindi pa raw tayo malaya? Ipapaliwanag ko sa inyo ito, mga kapatid.

  • Malaya tayong magmura! Ang manners-manners na iyan, pautot lang iyan ng mga kolonyalista para gawin tayong masusunurin. Ang Pilipino na mataas ang katayuan at matapang, hindi magalang. Hindi lang maginoo at medyo bastos lang! Iyang pa-dise-disente, maling pagtuturo iyan ng mga Kastila, Kano at nila Rizal. Hayaan ninyong matakot at umiyak ang mga dilawan na balat-sibuyas diyan.
  • Malaya tayong pumatay! Bakit, hindi ba ang mga raja natin noon, bawat pinatay meron silang tatu? Matatapang ang mga ninuno natin, hindi mga babakla-bakla. Hindi iyong mga uurong-urong. Mga morals-morals na dala ng mga misyonaryo, imbento ito para gawin tayong mahina! Ngayon, matakot na ang mga puti sa atin! Mga misyonaryong nakikialam diyan na Kano tulad ni Sister Pox, pinaalis natin! Ano, Australian kamo? Pareho lang iyan, mga putanginang gumagamit ng Ingles!
  • Malaya tayong dumiskarte! Bakit, bawal bang yumaman tayong mga mahihirap? Iyang Daang Matuwid na iyan, sagabal lang iyan sa pag-unlad ng pera natin! Walang kuwenta iyang mga dilawan na nagdedepende lang naman sa mga trabaho nila sa mga amo nilang mga puti! Kung wala ang mga puti, walang kuwenta ang pinag-aralan nila, samakatwid bobo sila! Pero matagal ng alam iyan.
  • Malaya tayong humatol! Iyang putanging facts-facts at logic-logic, hindi sila totoo! Mga hatol ng Pang. Duterte, galing sa likas na pakiramdam na nasa loob niya! Misteryo ito na hindi maiintindihan ng mga bobong Westerner maski kailan man! Alam natin kung sino ang mga drug addict, mga drug lord at dilawan diyan! Iyang mga pautot nila na puro Ingles-Ingles, kalimutan na natin, bobo sila!
  • Malaya tayong lumaban! Lumaban sa lahat ng kumokontra sa tunay na Pilipino at sa minamahal na Pang. Duterte! Lumaban sa mga ayaw tumanggap ng tunay na katotohanan tulad ng Rappler na iyan, tulad ng Bishop David na iyan, tangina! Bastos sila pagka’t kinokontra nila ang mga bagay na nararapat para sa bansa! Bakit, hindi ba iyong mga taga-Sentinel ipinana nila ang misyonaryong lumapit? Dapat iyan ang ginawa natin sa Limasawa. Mga swapang pati sila, kapag Bisaya pagkain at inom para sa lahat, sa misa pagkain para sa lahat, inom sa pari lang!

May tanong pa ba kayo? Hay, kayong mga bata talaga. Siyempre ang Tsina, parang ninong natin iyan, parang padrinyo. Dapat gumalang at tumanaw ng utang na loob sa mas nakakataas, sa loob ng barangay man o sa bansa. Buong Kongreso at Senado halos gumagalang kay Pang. Duterte. Iyan ang pagkakaisa ng isang tunay na bansa. Isang bansa, isang diwa, sabi nga ni Pang. Marcos! Kapag nawala ang mga ungas na hindi marunong gumalang sa mga kagalang-kagalang, mabubuo na ang paraiso natin!

Hay naku, ano ba itong gamot na nainom ko? Fentanyl o shabu? Ano, bakit tumatawa kayo diyan? Tangina, naka-on pa pala ang mikropono. Barilin niyo nga ang technician!

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 2 December 2018

Wir sind Helden

Aagostini donquixote 01is the name of a German band (link) and means “we are heroes”. In a somewhat ironic sense, because they said that they wanted to reclaim the word for antiheroes. And somehow also inspired by David Bowie’s well-known “Heroes” song. Helden or heroes became a bit unpopular in Germany after 1945, because Wagnerian pomposity had ended in a Götterdämmerung (death of gods) for many who thought they were being saviors of Europe and ended up destroying half the continent.  People rebuilt quietly from ruins in Adenauer’s era of “Keine Experimente”, or no experiments.

Heroes with doubts

The muscular statues of 1930s heroes of fascism and socialism were outdated. The American heroes of the same generation were Superman and Batman, but the German public I think preferred Donald Duck, or maybe even more Looney Tunes, with more Schadenfreude than tame Disney. America still had no doubts at that time, no conflicted heroes like today’s Jason Bourne, who knows many things are wrong in his country but still is a patriot, according to CIA agent Heather Lee. That was before Vietnam and before the War against Terror, wars which made America doubt itself.

The 2004 movie “Troy” has Odysseus telling Achilles (link): War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics. That is probably even more true nowadays than in the olden days, when kings often rode into battle themselves. But were Greek heroes really heroes? Basically Troy was a civilized city raided by pirate upstarts who were still to become a civilization. The Romans who were the next to become civilized did not pretend to be heroic, in fact they had a very clear language: vae victis. Woe to the conquered. And the Germanic tribes who were next?

Jetski to Windmills

They had more of a warrior religion in which those who died well went to Valhalla (link). This mixed with Christian beliefs in righteousness may have led to the idea of the knight in shining armor. The Spaniards had their own pompous variant of heroism, brilliantly ridiculed in Cervantes’ Don Quixote. Like the German words Heldentod (hero’s death) and Heldentat (heroic deed) may also have ironic meanings today. The first can mean overexerting oneself for something that isn’t worth it (not literally dying) and the second can mean creating a fiasco or catastrophe (link).

President Duterte might have had quixotism in mind when he said he would jetski to the Spratleys (link): “Matagal ko nang ambisyon na maging hero ako. Kung pinatay nila ako dun, bahala na kayo umiyak dito sa Pilipinas”  (I have long had the ambition to be a hero. If they kill me there, it is up to you to cry in the Philippines). The sarcasm was so clear then, I wonder how anyone believed it. Obviously there is a jadedness with the idea of heroes among some Filipinos. Senate President Sotto wanted to remove references to dying for the country from the national anthem (link).

Fine, Sunny Days

The last words of anti-Nazi activist Sophie Scholl were (link): How can we expect righteousness to prevail when there is hardly anyone willing to give himself up individually to a righteous cause? Such a fine, sunny day, and I have to go, but what does my death matter, if through us, thousands of people are awakened and stirred to action? The question is: what if hardly anyone cares at all? There have been thousands of deaths in the Philippines in the past two years and I really wonder. What I wonder is whether belief in righteousness, in interests outside one’s own group, exists there.

Or maybe the overloaded quixotic Spanish connotations of “heroe” made hero something that Filipinos couldn’t quite relate to. Add the strutting self-aggrandizement of most Filipino elites who will never make a sacrifice themselves, doesn’t have to be death, but at least take some risks also. Magsaysay’s guerrilla past could have been one factor in his popularity, since he walked his talk. But so did Rizal and Ninoy Aquino, who took the risks and faced the consequences of their actions.  Some current discussions insinuate they looked for death to become famous with posterity. What?

The Malay world

Bayani (link) is contrasted as the native, “better” concept of hero who is truly part of the bayan. The closest thing to that in Europe would be Volkshelden (popular heroes) such as Tyrolean rebel Andreas Hofer, or the legendary Swiss Wilhelm Tell, whose story Rizal translated into Tagalog. The story of Kabesang Tales / Matanglawin in El Filibusterismo has elements of a typical Volksheld or Schützen (marksman) story, including the tragic shooting of Tandang Selo by his grandson Tano. Wilhelm Tell of course does not accidentally kill a relative. Being Swiss, he did not miss the apple.

Indonesia also has its folk heroes: http://filipinogerman.blogsport.eu/jago-and-preman/In Indonesian popular culture, the jago is often romanticized as a champion of the people whose acts of violence are motivated by a deep sense of justice, honour and order.” Fernando Poe, anyone? But Indonesia also has its political thugs (same article): The Pancasila Youth that played a major role in the 1960s killings in Indonesia were considered preman or political thugs. There are stories of different kinds of Filipino guerrilas in World War 2, good and bad. It isn’t always that clear.

The Balkan world

The Balkans have the Hajduk (same article): who “is a romanticised hero figure who steals from, and leads his fighters into battle against, the Ottoman or Habsburg authorities…. In reality, the hajduci of the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries commonly were as much guerrilla fighters against the Ottoman rule as they were bandits and highwaymen who preyed not only on Ottomans and their local representatives, but also on local merchants and travelers.” Whether a hajduk was considered good or bad may well have been a matter of how one was advantaged or affected.

In Serbia, a collectivistic, ethnic hero cult (more similar to bayani than to individualistic heroe) based on a national mythology plus paternalism led to this (p. 85): Decision-making was left to omnipotent rulers, those personifying heroic martyrs of the Battle of Kosovo, who promised to rule in the best interests of collective Serb society. Paternalism impeded the spread of democracy, the implementation of the rule of law, and the development of constitutionalism. The fierceness of hajduks plus ideology. No place or time is the same, outcomes differ.  But some patterns do exist.

Wir sind Helden

Alltagshelden is a German tabloid term: “everyday heroes”. Non-everyday heros are for the 911. “Pity the country that needs heroes” said Bertolt Brecht. I think it makes a country a lot better if most people are just plain decent. Not “disente“, another lost in translation Filipino word which often means “dressed up to the nines” or “clean-cut”. I once was carrying disente pants on a hanger, coming from a dry cleaner. They fell off, somebody noticed it, picked them up and gave them to me – in the middle of Munich city. Very decent people! Small acts of goodness add up in society.

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 17 November 2018

Know Bady’s Perpek

Martin Andanar (cropped)not even the tall, blond and blue-eyed people from Norwegia (link)! A Filipino actually good at something is very suspect, or did a Filipino ever do things right? With a Chinese it is different, they are assumed to be capable of anything. I meant able to do anything, forgib me, for I am imperpek.

Besides, perfect is boring, boring, boring. Look at Mar Roxas, does he get the kisses, or Duterte? Who is more of a celebrity, is it studious Aika Robredo, or his father’s own scholar Sandro Marcos? Striving for excellence is so yesterday, so American neocolonial, Thomasite-inspired social climbing.

Professionalism is Square
Knowledge is Arrogant
Decency is Hypocrisy

are among the dont’s that the New Filipino is learning, quickly and well. Why be professional if you can always buy a professional to do things for you? Americans liked Filipino professionals because they were servants of neoliberal imperialist capitalism. Real Filipinos are free. Let others work!

Knowledge is arrogant. Remember how the yellow ilustrado pretenders nitpicked about Mar Roxas having graduated from Wharton? With no graduate degree? What is decent? Leni acts as if Duterte is not attractive. Honest women like Lorraine Badoy admit attraction to the country’s alpha male.

Sloppiness is Cute
Rudeness is Refreshing
Stupidity is Unassuming
Indecency is Honest
Negligence is Human

are the traits of true Filipinos. Now isn’t Norwegia a cute word, doesn’t that endear PCOO in the hearts of true Filipinos? Screw all the Westernized yellow Ingliseros with their ideas of spelling!

And isn’t Duterte’s rudeness refreshing to all of us who don’t want to behave like in a reception of Spaniards, friars and servants in Intramuros? And those of us who assume we are not stupid – are you saying you aren’t carabaos like the rest of us? That you are more highly evolved? Chinese even?

And would you trust Mocha who admits that she is as horny as the rest of us are, especially when we are abroad away from our husband or wife and sleep with someone else? Or do you trust Leni? And those pedantic moralistic yellows, what’s wrong with their attitude to life? Perfection is scary.

Germans and Japanese are too perfect. Chinese do not scare us because their products break down. But they are smarter than us and will help us where Uncle Sam has left us very, very disappointed.

We thought they were all white and blue-eyed, and then they showed us Obama. We feel cheated.

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 15 June 2018

Macho at ma-appeal

Young women in the Ukraine teasing a boy who is pockmarked a Wellcome L0032776(Achtung Satire!) si Solicitor General Calida, kaya gusto yata siya ng isang dalagang estudyante. Kayong mga dilaw diyan, huwag kayo magreklamo! Ayaw ng mga Pinay sa tite ninyong malambot, pero marami ang umupo sa kandungan ng matigasin na si Digong noong kampanya habang nagpapahipo! Ayaw ng babae ng sobrang bait na lalake, anong laban nito kapag may humamon na adik sa kalye? Buti pa iyang mga katulad ni Duterte at Calida, shoot to kill. Hindi kaya ito nila Bam Aquino! Not counted ang computer games. Eh mga #BabaeAko? Pangit at mataba.

E ano ngayon kung maraming kinikita ang security company ni Calida sa mga pondo nang gobyerno? Wa-is si Calida, gusto ng mga babae iyon. Aanhin nila ang isang patay-gutom na walang diskarte? O kaya baklain na puro morals-morals diyan? Matira ang matibay, ganyan ang takbo ng mundo! Tsaka iba ang dumidiskarte kapag mahirap tulad natin. Mga dilawan na pinagpala na may pera na, huwag na huwag nilang subukan ang kahit konting lusot at mahuhuli sila. Buti nga kay Sereno! Mga dilaw at puti, mga kolonyalista silang nagnakaw sa tunay na Pilipino, iyan ang katotohanan.

Panahon na natin para makabawi. Dapat umusog na ang mga dilawan at mga kaibigan nilang puti. Tayong mga tunay na Pilipino na ang dapat kumain ng husto, kasama mga kaibigan nating Tsino. Walang masama kung mga Tulfo, Teo, Calida, Montano, de Castro atbp. kumita kapag suwerte nila. Tayo naman siguro titirahan nila nang kahit kaning baboy, di tulad ng mga suwapang na dilawan. Tama merong hanapbuhay ang iilan noon, pero ang hirap naman ng trabaho diyan sa call center! Mga mang-aapi talagang dilaw at puti, gusto tayong pahirapan. Buti pa ngayon, diskarte na lang!

Kayong mga padise-disente, mga wala lang kayong sex appeal, putang ina ninyong mga bakling. Dinig ng buong ilog Pasig ang mga ungol ng isang sosyal na hindi pa nakadanas ng mga tiradang tulad ng mga galing kay Digong. Buong gabi sila, puyatan daw talaga. Di kaya ni Mar Roxas iyan!

Kaya iyan, di kami bilib sa mga reklamo ninyo, inggit lang kayo sa galing namin sa lahat ng bagay. Pati suwerte. Masuwerte ang lalakeng kumakapit sa amin, at ang babaeng nagpapakwan sa amin! Pinagpala ang bansang Pilipino sa kagalingan namin! Huwag maniwala sa mga paninira. Pek iyon!

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, ika-1 ng Hunyo, 2018

Common knowledge ang mga narco-list

Tangena trial by ordeal Madagascardahil alam ng barangay kung sino ang adik. Pilipino may pakiramdam. Westerner lang ang bobo na naghahanap pa ng prueba, tulad ni Delimaw na puro ganyan ang hinihingi – e alam naman na ng buong Bilibid na siya ang No. 1 Drug Lord! At huwag kayong humirit ng facts-facts at logic-logic, mga putangina kayong mga dilawan. Rappler ang nag-imbento ng facts-facts, di ba mga dilawan sila? Logic-logic, pautot lang iyan ng mga propesor na Kastila sa Santo Tomas noong araw. Walang silbi sa tunay na buhay. Pampahaba lang ng kuwento. Tulad ng proseso. Kung alam na adik, tapusin!

Proseso pagkakakitaan lang iyan ng mga huwes at abogado na pumoporma sa bar exams nila. Putangina tapos iyong Konstitusyon pa na iyan. Para lang iyan sa mga tanga na di maka-adjust. Iyong mga tipong kailangan pa ng red light at green light para alam kung kailan sila tatawid. Ganyan daw sa Alemanya sabi nila. Bobong mga iyan. EU pamandin sila. Pero tanga talaga sila. Plano ng plano. Akala mo Mar Roxas. Buti pa si Tatay Digong, alam ang gagawin na walang plano. Kaartehan na iyan. Paano mo malalaman kung ano bukas? E bukas baka tinokhang na pamilya mo!

Hay naku, iyang mga de numerong prueba, facts-facts, logic-logic, proseso, batas, Konstitusyon, plano – papel lang iyan, wala ka pang tunay na nagawa. Buti pa si Digong umaaksiyon agad. Sa Boracay merong mga SWAT at helicopter. Sa Kuwait, umaksiyon sila Mocha at Thinking Pinoy. Ngayon, malapit nang umurong at makipag-usap uli ang Kuwait sa Pilipino. Kailangan nila tayo. Kasi genius tayo. Kahit walang plano kayang-kaya natin. Kung baga sa tugtog, widow tayo palagi. Tanginang mga Mozart at Beethoven na puro nota. Buti pa si Freddie Aguilar, magiging Senador.

Tsaka matapang tayo! Hinamon natin ang mga Arabo. Pinaalis ng Pangulo natin iyong taga-EU.  Ano ngayon kung nag-resolusyon na naman ang EU Parliament. Magrosaryo na lang kaya sila ‘no! Dilawan talaga sila, umaasa sa dasal at papeles. Tayo umaasa sa aksiyon, sa tapang at sa pusila! Resbak pa natin ang mga Intsik. Malakas tayo diyan. Bilib sila sa atin. Kaya pinapautangan tayo. Kaya magpapasok ng maraming negosyo sa bansa natin. Pati si Donald Trump niririspito tayo. Iyong Casino ng Galaxy, mauna pa sa Casino ng Kano. Mas sikat tayo kaysa Las Vegas at Macau.

Sa Hapon malakas din tayo. Kalimutan ninyo iyang comfort woman statue. Laos na Maria Clara. Biktima iyan tulad ni Sisa. Laos na ang paawa. Mautak na Pinay ngayon, kikita ng husto sa lalaki. Hapon, Intsik o iyong lubak-lubak na mukha man ang pinag-uusapan. Huwag bobo, sabi ni Mocha! Huwag sobrang guwapo, sabi ni Calida. Mga sobrang guwapo mga bakla. Si Coco Martin, tiyak na dumaan iyan kay Brillante Mendoza ano. Pero babae ka man o lalake, ikaw muna ang bibirahin bago ka makabira sa huli. Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Hindi tayo mga santo, kaya babuyin na natin.

Irineo B. R. Salazar
Munich, Mayo Uno 2018


https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2018/04/27/1810010/release-narco-list-does-not-violate-human-rights-palace-says-despite-past-inaccuracies

Presidential spokesman Harry Roque said that the order of President Rodrigo Duterte for the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency to release the government’s list of so-called narco-politicians did not violate the human rights of individuals to be named as they were running for elective government posts.

He said that the list would just “confirm” what was supposedly common knowledge among residents of a village who knew the people involved in illegal drugs in their communities.

 

When Bridges Collapse

Bridge ruins through the Donskoy Chulek Riverand people mostly get wet like in Zamboanga today (link) – just rebuild them. Diplomatic bridges burning like those to Kuwait recently (link) are more serious. The EU-Philippines bridge still stands, even if there have been differences (link) – with most of the drama on the Philippine side. One should remember that the EU Parliament represents the people of Europe, and that there is a sizable segment of the population that does not want to fund governments that harm their people. And of course the EU has strings attached to its help – it wants to develop allies with similar values. Every major player in the world does. And so do major political groupings. Why does the Naumann Foundation, close to the German Free Democrats (Liberals, also color yellow over here) invite the Liberal Party with VP Robredo to Berlin? Why does Akbayan partner with European Socialists?

Bridges and Respect

Bridges are important in this world. Some may be at times heavily guarded and seldom crossed, like in Cold War days the Glienicke Bridge or Bridge of Spies between West Berlin and Potsdam. Bridges between people and groups are even more important. One major bridge is mutual respect. The Mogadishu rescue operation in which German commandos stormed a Lufthansa plane held by Palestinian terrorists only got to “roll” when the Chancellor’s Chief of Staff – who was onsite at the airport in Somalia – personally asked the Somalian President for permission by phone, and got it. Ever since borders have fallen in Europe, police may cross borders in hot pursuit of criminals – but must radio their colleagues in the next country to take over the chase. Italian police help out on one particular weekend of the Oktoberfest when many Italians come – to keep them in line as guests.

Now what would happen in the case (highly improbable) that Italian police saw it fit to interfere in a fight between, let’s say, drunken Italians and equally drunken Australians protecting their girls from Italian advances – a kind of fight which is indeed possible given the ways of both countries? Not just mediate and talk to the Italians, separating the crowds, but dealing with the Aussies also? Forget it. No more Italian police in Munich next year, I am sure. But that isn’t happening for now. Serbian police hitting Albanian soccer fans (link) is more likely – the Balkans are a lot more tribal. Now how about maids in Kuwait? Yes, one died. Many may want to leave, but already seemed to have been some cooperation in place between Kuwait authorities and the Philippine Embassy. If escapes were necessary, there are discreet ways to do that. But it seems Mocha wanted a presscon.

Bridges and Borders

Fools. Kuwaitis have dealt with a real occupation by Saddam Hussein. And Arabs have their pride. Cayetano’s strangely worded “apology” saying (link) “We are apologizing for certain incidents that the Kuwaiti view as a violation of their sovereignty” in combination with the arrogant demeanor of Cayetano sounds somewhat like saying “oh, we didn’t know you were that sensitive”. Coming from a country, the Philippines, that is known for hypersensitivity to foreign criticism – not only during this administration but even before, even making a big fuss about Spanish biscuits or American TV. But that same country is arrogant, even pushy when it comes to defending even Filipino criminals in other countries. Now things have gone beyond the usual wars of words. Filipinos have crossed a real red line and ACTED in a foreign country. And not just caused shame to Kuwait by filming it.

There is allegedly a story in the Middle East where two sons allow the neighbors to steal their goat. The father tells them to get it back. More bad things are done to the family, every day. The father keeps repeating to them to get back the goat. Meaning: restore respect, restore old boundaries. Europeans also have their boundaries – the deportation of European politician Giacomo Filibeck was specifically mentioned in a speech of a partymate in the EU Parliament (link).  The attack on him was seen as an attack on all. Strangely, Duterte has not reacted with his usual personal slurs. The warning of possible trade privileges being taken away (link) was part of the recent resolution. No need for drama at all. What else is there to deal with except Duterte and the Philippines? Well, there are millions of refugees, restive Russia, troubled Turkey, a now-difficult USA, and Syria and..

Bridges you burn

True, a Filipina was killed in Kuwait. Might have been that some wanted to leave their employers. But if you already agreed to work with Kuwaiti authorities, you stick to it. Lodge a protest if they don’t let certain maids go. And the EU? If you sign agreements that your dried mangoes, among other things, may be imported without customs duties into the EU and one of the conditions is that you adhere to human rights, then don’t complain. Nobody in the EU is telling Duterte what to do. Simply giving a fair notice – something Boracay never got – of consequences to the relationship.

There was a woman from Mindanao I knew who liked to say “that’s unfair!” in a mock-sissy tone. Fairness is for sissies some do think. Fair or not, “you have to die one death”, they say in Bavaria. Meaning you have to make some choices. Tokhang or sell your dried mangoes duty-free to the EU. Be decisive. “He who dies earlier is dead for much longer” is another Bavarian saying. Real strange. But maybe it means eternal life and rest in peace. And at some point decisions are forced upon you. It is fair if you know your choices well in advance. In contracts, laws, treaties. In daily life as well.

Mutual trust is the second aspect of bridges of understanding. Fairness and predictability breed it. Even if the Philippines miraculously were able to get rid of Duterte, many might not trust again. Even an intact bridge might not be one people cross if they are unsure of what is on the other side. Unpredictable and unfair shakedown artists – or reliable partners of all sorts? A bridge can have gates that are closed on one side. Kuwait has temporarily closed its gates. What is most likely next. Which bridges will still collapse? Which bridges will be burnt, built, restored? Or even abandoned?

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 27 April 2018

The Filipino is not crazy, Mr. Hussein!

United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights (21509596784) (cropped)(Achtung Satire!) our President knows who is a terrorist and who is not! This Tauli-Corpuz clearly is a suspect person. If our President already told the Lumads to behave properly and she is making it impossible for him to do his job properly, she is terrorizing him, just like this Pia Raissa Robles! Let me make clear that our President has no problem with women who are true role models, who help him in erecting his.. his idea of a nation, just like Mocha Uson is doing for him every.. daily. The women he has a problem with are those who make an old man’s… work.. harder than it is. Hm.

Besides, Tauli sounds like Tau’ri, the free human race in Stargate, a barely concealed work of evil Western propaganda. Did you not know that the Filipino ruling class, the real ones, not the yellow, are descended from the Goa’uld who once ruled Egypt, until that Moses stole their energy source? Dutertane, the powerful fuel that drove their chariots and made their eyes glow red with rage when the Jaffa disobeyed. Nowadays, the Jaffa in the Philippines, the slave race, no longer respond when their rulers look at them in anger. This is due to the drug shabu and too much freedom in society.

Now the descendants of Moses, known as the Mossad, still are controlling the Dutertane that they stole from our glorious ancestors. Together with your Jordanian countrymen, dear Mister Hussein, they are conniving with Loida Nicolas-Lewis and Leila De Lima to destroy our nation with drugs. They are even known to have directly contacted the International Criminal Court and met with Agnes Callamard at the Moulin Rouge in Paris just before taking the train to Brussels 3 weeks ago. We know because a friendly alien race has helped us. They were floating over Paris at that time.

Freedom, this stupid idea, is soon to be replaced by good old ways which served the world better. Enlightened and compassionate leaders like President Duterte, Solicitor General Calida, Public Attorney Persida Acosta, Honorable Imbecile Speaker Alvarez, Caped Crusader Dante Jimenez shall lead the way in doing what is necessary for those who must follow the leader to live a most comfortable life. That is the fate of the Jaffa, and they shall learn gratefulness, embodied in our most holy principle of utang na loob, once again from us, the galactic ruling class of the Goa’uld.

And besides, Dear Prince Hussein, how can a person be crazy who knows exactly what he is doing? Only the person who does not know what he is doing is crazy. Like Chief Justice Sereno, who thinks she can apply ideas of rule of law that are not native to our people, that are only her imagination? She is the one who is truly crazy! Because she thinks she can change the true nature of our country. This freedom that only brings drugs and disobedience. Maybe at home her husband is like a dog. Our President is not dog. He is MACHO! He is brillant! More than UN, EU, US and UP! We bilib.

Irineo B. R. Salazar
München, 10 March 2018

Dunong at Kaalaman ng Sambayanang Pilipino

The Healing of the Blind; The Healing of the Possessed - Google Art Projecttanging ibinigay ng Poon sa mga tulad ni Persida Acosta, Franco Calida at Dante Jimenez. Isang babaeng maganda at maputi, dalawang lalakeng dark and handsome. Kalimutan na ninyo ang mga kalokohan na itinuturo sa inyo ng mga katulad nila Florin Hilbay, Dr. Salvaña o Tony La Viña. Maling kaalaman ng mga Westerner ang isinusunod nila, iyong nakasama sa Pilipino ng 500 years. Bago dumating ang mga dayuhan, halos lahat ng Pilipino tumatanda tulad ni Enrile, at walang mga kriminal o adik. So bakit pa kailangan ng Western medicine, ng rule of law o lohikang paikot-ikot? Iyong simpleng kaalaman ng ordinaryong Pilipino, tama na dapat. Pero huwag isipin ng mga dilaw na kaya nilang gumamit nito. Para lang ito sa mga hindi pa nahawa sa tunay na lohika o ebidensiya. Mga palusot na itinuro ng tanginang mga prayle sa UST at Ateneo, at komunistang propesor sa UP!

Kakaiba ang tunay na kaalaman na Pilipino, na meron sa atin mula pa sa panahon ng mga Lumad. Iyong mga ipapasok siyempre ni Duterte sa UP, kung hindi pa niya ipinabomba ang mga eskuwela nila na nagtuturo ng mali at Westernized na pagtuturong komunista. Ang tunay na kaalaman na Pilipino, alam kung sino ang namatay dahil sa bakuna. Walang paarte-arte pa nitong PGH na bias. Alam din ng mahiwagang kaalaman nating katutubo kung sino ang kriminal at hindi, kaya hindi nagdadalawang-isip pa bago mamaril sa salot ng lipunan. Tanginang mga CHR na humahadlang! Ang tunay na Pilipino na hindi pa nahawa sa masamang impluwensiya ng decency na iyan at tunay pang matapang – tulad nila Mocha Uson at Lorraine Badoy, alam kung sinong tunay na tao at hindi! Tunay na tao, mga katulad ni Robin Padilla. Hindi iyong mga sobrang edukado at padise-disente!

Malapit nang lumaya ang Pilipinas. Lumaya sa mga kabobohan ng mga dilaw. Lumaya sa sobrang pagsunod sa mga batas na nakasulat lang naman sa Ingles para magandang tignan, at parang mga sagot ng mga Miss Universe kung pakinggan – anong silbi ng mga ganoon sa tunay na Pilipino? Ang tanging papel ng Bagong Pinuno ng Sambayanang Pilipino na si Rodrigo Roa Duterte ang alamin kung ano ang mali at tama para sa ating lahat. Walang mga batas-batas pang dapat humadlang. Kung gusto niyang ipatanggal ang isang opisyal, banal niyang karapatan ito, huwag magreklamo! Malapit na ring lumaya ang Pilipinas sa human rights – human rights na iyan. Mga pumipigil sa pag-unlad ng bansa, dapat lang ikulong o ubusin. Mga nagrereklamong estudyante, tanggalin sa pag-aaral para palitan ng mga tunay na magalang at masunurin na kabataang Tunay na Pilipino!

Tinanggal na ni Presidente ang Project NOAH dahil hindi naman talaga kailangan ng Pilipino ito. Bakit meron bang flood prediction at kung anu-anong computerized na paraan noon sa may 1521? Kung oras mo, oras mo – matira ang matibay! Kaya matatag ang Pilipinong panahon ni Lapu-Lapu! Pero mga gagong UP na komonesta, itinuloy ang NOAH. Mga Dr. ng DOH, tinoloy ang Dimbaksya! Iyan tignan ninyo, dahil sa Dimbaksya ang daming namatay. Huwag maniwala sa mga PGH-PGH! Si Persida Acosta ang ipinasok ni Presidente sa puwesto, kaya siya ang mas magaling at matalino. Siguro marami ring namatay dahil sa Project NOAH, kaya lang hindi pa nakita ang ebidensya dahil mga gagong dilaw na iyan, magaling magwala nito! Di bale, may araw rin ang mga ugok na iyan. At si Aquino, makukulong talaga iyan. Karapat-dapat lang. Dilaw ang sakit ng sambayanang Pilipino!

E iyong mga bagon ng MRT na dalawang taon daw hindi ginamit tapos biglang umaandar ngayon? Huwag kayong maniwala sa mga sinasabi ng mga dilaw. Ang tunay na Pilipino na pinalaki ng tama, hindi nagtatanong-tanong o nagdududa sa mga sinasabi ng mga kagalang-galang na nasa puwesto! Malapit na ang pederalismo. Maghahari sa bawat lugar ang mga karapat-dapat maghari sa mga tao. Tulad noong 1521 na may mga pinuno ang bawat bayan at alam ng bawat isa ang lugar niya rito. Hindi tulad ngayon na akala ng lahat na may karapatan silang mag-isip at lalo pang magsalita ng kumokontra sa mga may kapangyarihan. Itinakda ni Lord na may mga mayaman at mahirap, na may malalakas at mahina. Tunay na disiplina kapag ang makapangyarihan ang laging masusunod. Sige, matulog na ulit kayo sa pansitan, tama na ang reklamo. Malapit na ang maginhawang buhay!

Irineo B. R. Salazar sa Munich, ika-3 ng Pebrero, 2018
BABALA: satire ang kasulatang ito, pagkat ako’y pasaway

 

Basta may postura

'Tis the seasonOK lahat, inggit lang sila, tayo pataas na. Hindi nahuhulog sa motorsiklo o nagpapakumbaba. Di bale kung ang apo mukhang Christmas tree sa dami ng kristal, bagay naman sa time of the year! At bakit naman bababa si lolo sa Biliran, ano siya isang Mar Roxas na magmumukhang tanga? Tama na hindi niya pinansin iyong itim na mayabang na iyan, iyang Obama – kay Trump siya ngayon malakas, sa puti mismo!  At problema ng dilaw kung kikita tayo ngayon sa bagong telecom na galing Tsina, pagkat sila kumita na, tayo naman ngayon. Balang araw, sila ang katulong natin.

At bakit daw masama ang Harvard ni Aika? Ugok, ang liwanag! Iyang pag-aaral na iyan, para lang iyan sa Ingles na magandang pakinggan. Anong napala ng tangang Mar Roxas sa Waharton niya? WALAAA!! Ni MRT di niya maayos! E si Aquino na Atenista? Nadenggoy sa bakuna! HAHAHAAA! Tayong mga DDS, matitinik talaga. Alam natin kung saan ang pera at kapangyarihan, so needed pa ba ang mag-aral ng marami? Tignan ninyo ang susunod nating Presidenteng si Manny Pacquiao! DISKARTE ang kailangan. Aasenso tayo, iyong mga dilawan na iyan, hahalikan nila paa natin!

Eh bakit daw kamo plastik si Leni? Siyempre, bakit ka pa bibili ng damit na simpleng tignan kung mamahalin naman pala? Ibig sabihin noon, marami kang pera masyado, ano iyon gagastos ka na hindi kita ng mga tao? Malay natin, may mga barko at Ferrari sila sa may bandang Hollywood. Iyong hindi natin kita, mga ka-DDS! Ganyan talaga iyong mga ipokritong maka-USA na ganyan. Kuripot sa Pilipino, pero pag sa labas sosyal! Lalo na pag nagpaplano sila nila Loida Nicolas-Lewis. Daig pa si Imelda sa luho! Buti pa tayo, tunay na tao. Nakikita kung saan napupunta ang pera!

At ano iyong puro ngiti-ngiti ni Leni na akala mo ang bait-bait? Walang tao na ganyang kabait! Magbait-baitan ka lang ng ganyan kung waitress ka na sumisilbi sa mayaman at mataas. Kung may class ka, dapat mataray ka. Tulad ni Mocha. Tulad na Isabelle Duterte na nagtweet ng “some dumbfucks think I am 15”. O kaya iyong sumampal sa taxi driver noong isang araw. Iyon ang tama. Dapat alam ng mabababang tao kung nasa lugar sila o hindi. Wala naman talagang pantay-pantay. At iyong mga adik at pusher? Alam naman nila ang mangyayari, bakit di sila nagbago? Mga tanga!

Petmalu ang uso talaga ngayon. Malupet! Kung mataas ka at puwedeng makipag-junket ka Tatay Digong, gud! Kung hindi, at least naman meron ka sanang wang-wang! Kung hindi pa rin, astig ka dapat kung mag-counterflow. Buti pa sa ganoon kung medyo may dugo kang Intsik at mukha kang siga, masisindak sila sa iyo, akalain nilang anak ka ng tulad nila Peter Lim, na hindi magagalaw! Kung madiskarte ka, gradweyt ka sa level nila Polong. Ganda ng kinabukasan. Iiyot ka ng maganda. Sa Solaire Casino ka tataya. Condo sa BGC. Tangina nila. Masagasaan man sila. Basta tayo asenso!

Irineo B. R. Salazar wishes all readers a Merry Christmas
from München this 20th of December, two-thousand seventeen.